She

A poem written for World Bipolar Day
Warning: This piece contains some strong language

She sat down between you and me,
On the lumpy, old couch,
The most coveted spot in the shop.
She lit another cigarette with the butt of the last.
We did the same.
Gray smoke spiraled towards the ceiling,
Yellowed from countless late night coffee drinkers before us.

She hung around us a lot.
She comes and goes as she pleases.
She’s manipulative, coercive, and messy.
She threw clothes on the floor,
She piled dishes in the sink.
And damn… that girl could drink.
You’re nothing,
You’re worthless,
She’d make us think.

And she comes and goes as she pleases.
When she wasn’t there we talked about her.
We hated her.
Yet her presence was as comfortable as that of an old friend.

And then.

She stole you from me.
My heart as black as my lungs.
I screamed, f*** you!
But my indignation was her motivation.
And I knew she’d come back to haunt me.
See, she comes and goes as she pleases.

She’d bust through the door
Knocking me over,
Piling on her baggage
Weighing heavy on my shoulders.

My bones weakened and weary.
Tired of tossing and turning
In the middle of the night
When the light, from the street lamp
Cuts through the darkness
And casts ominous shadows,
I get up to meet her.
Because I know she comes and goes as she pleases.

You see,
She’s been in and out of my life for 21 years now,
So I can sense her coming,
Like the way the air smells of rain, before a storm.

And she comes and goes as she pleases.
And when she wasn’t looking,
I was training for the fight.
Got up early.
Clicked the pen to write.

I know she comes and goes as she pleases.
She hated the day I quit smoking.
She doesn’t understand how I could possibly like kale.
She scoffed when I turned down a drink.
And she rolled her eyes when I rolled out my yoga mat.

She comes and goes as she pleases.
She’s familiar.
She’s woven into the fabric of my life now,
And she taught me how to feel.
When she numbed my mind,
It forced me to look deep within,
To sense the presence of my soul,
To feel the divine strengthening my bones.

She comes and goes as she pleases,
She’ll never go away.
So when she comes,
With a smirk I’ll look up and say,
To my old friend,
Namaste.

If you or someone you know is suicidal, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is confidential and available 24/7, call 1–800–273–TALK(8255) or chat
online here.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, approximately 1 in 5 adults in the U.S. — 43.4 million, or 17.9% — experiences mental illness in a given year.
So odds are pretty good that someone in your life is living with depression, bipolar, or another form of mental illness. Let’s eradicate the stigma surrounding mental illness.
It only takes 5 minutes to be a little more informed:

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP)
National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
American Mental Health Foundation (AMHF)